October 9, 2005

Dear friends and family,

We are adjusting well to our Nigerian surroundings, our accommodations and our assignment. It really has been a wonderful experience so far. The only thing that has disappointed me is no easy access to the internet. It is just a step above camping and we are enjoying the simplicity of life. I was thinking the other day how much like a vacation this is. All the distractions, worries, job stress, care of possessions, over work, over achievement are not happening here. We are totally focused on serving Heavenly Father and immersed in the teachings of the church. Small miracles happen everyday. Our marriage is content as we both work toward the same goal. Sometimes my mind starts to wander to my children and I start to worry, but I force myself back to what I’m doing here. I have total faith in the promise that if I do God’s work here, he will watch over those I love at home. Time flies, a week just gets started and before I know it, we are in Church on Sunday-the week has gone. We mapped out our goals last week. They are lofty indeed, but it keeps us working hard in a forward direction.

We spend our time in helping the missionaries to be better missionaries, the church leaders to be better leaders, and the members to be better members. We are cheer leaders when we need to be and teachers when we need to be. Doug came out of a High Counsel meeting today saying he had to call them to repentance because they were fractured and contentious with each other. One thing that I see here in the church that I haven’t ever witnessed before is leaders loudly and angrily reprimanding another leader or member. Today one branch president went after his clerk and Doug had to intervene. Another branch president went after the Relief Society president when I was sitting in a meeting with her. It was my first experience, after being here only a week, with this type of thing and I really had to contain myself from telling him it was not acceptable behavior and to remove himself from the room until he could come back and speak civilly. I did ask him to go up to the apartment and see Elder Gilmore and tell him what was bothering him. He didn’t go until we all went. Doug did confirm our position was correct, but the man was not happy about being told he was wrong. Doug told me about a district leader who actually punched a branch leader because in the heat of their arguing, one had made a disparaging remark about the others “heritage”, meaning tribe. I have to admit that we actually laugh about it in an awkward sort of way.

Another thing we see is male dominance. Women are still bought and become the husband’s chattel, though not all. There is polygamy. Men want to sit on one side of the chapel and women sit on the other with the children. We encourage families to sit together. Preaching against husbands beating their wives is a common topic. In the first primary class I visited, the teacher became upset with one of the children and sent an older child out to find a switch to beat the misbehaving child with. By the time the child came back with the switch and laid it on the desk, the teacher had forgotten about the incident. I prayed really hard to know what to do because I was not about to let the primary teacher beat the little boy. Not beating your child but treating them with kindness is another topic spoken of in Sunday service.

I don’t know if I told this story or not about the broken TV? Here everyone is looking for someone lower than them to carry their burden. If there is a husband and wife, the wife carries whatever needs carrying. (When a woman church member took us to the market to help us learn to shop, Doug carried the basket containing our purchases. The woman kept trying to take the basket from him but he refused. She finally said that a man doesn’t carry the packages but the woman does. Doug told her where we come from, the man carries the packages, so that is what he would do. She was very uncomfortable with this). If there is a child, the child carries the burden…sometimes it is a younger sibling that is carried by a child way too young to be doing it and it makes me really nervous. More well to do people have “boys” to do their bidding. Anyway, in church a TV was being brought out to view conference. The mission president warned the leaders to carry the TV carefully. Following tradition, the leaders summoned a young boy to carry the heavy TV. He hoisted it up on his shoulder. Normally he would have hefted it to his head but I think it was too heavy for him to lift up that high. It was too heavy, period and he dropped it, breaking it. Of course, it is the boy that gets the punishment from the leaders, but the mission president could have taken a switch to the leaders, he was so angry about them not following his direction.

One of the things that I’m trying to teach the missionaries is the traditions of their fathers are left behind when they join the church. They take up the traditions of Jesus Christ, which is love of all men & women, kindness toward those they teach and lead (especially toward women), and service to others not others serving them. I don’t know if they believe and accept my teaching, but we do like each other very much and so I can’t help but hope that our mutual admiration will influence them to treat others better through Doug’s and my example. Doug treats me so very well and they see that. Every Sunday the missionaries in our small town come to our home to report their weekly work. Doug and I were in the kitchen cooking. We both had apron’s on. When the door bell rang, Doug answered and told the 4 missionaries that “mommy” (that is what they call me) was in the kitchen cooking. When I came out to greet them, one of the sister missionaries said, “you both were cooking, Elder Gilmore, too!” She had observed Doug’s apron and wanted to clarify that Doug was really cooking. I trust that her hopes of finding a native young man that will share in the family cooking aren’t too lofty.

It is one of the miracles of missionary work that ones heart is filled with love for those we serve. I have to say that my heart didn’t take long to love the people of Nigeria, especially the young missionaries. Well they may not be first, the young children tie for that. After the children get over the shock of seeing an oyebo (white master) they want to come close. I’ve taught them to do a “high 5” routine that I’ve made up. It is a great ice breaker, and they can know that I love them without understanding what I say. I hope they know that God and Jesus Christ love them so they can have peace in their lives. There isn’t much peace in their way of life as I have seen it so far.

Well, Doug just came into the office and asked what was taking me so long. It is the witching hour for missionaries and we find that we do better by getting to bed early and rising early. Tomorrow is P day so we clean the apartment, do the laundry, and go to the internet room. Yeh!!!

Love to you all,

Mom and Dad, Doug and Leslie, Sister and Elder Gilmore